the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
