Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Randomize
