She's JV to your varsity
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
