i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
