she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
