great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
what day is it and did you see me today?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
