you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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