just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i dont even know how to be here
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
