one two three fourrrrnication!
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
