I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Randomize
