You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
