every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
