you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
