Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Randomize
