Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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