i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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