Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
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