every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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