We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
