I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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