Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
