You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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