The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
