Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
