i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
