did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
high people should be assigned attendants
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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