I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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