i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
