i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I cut my penus on the lid.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
