I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
