It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
You're like the curious george of whores
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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