You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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