My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
