Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
We just shotgunned beers for America
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
