The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
