I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
You work out of a Hotel?
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
