Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
