pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
