ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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