I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
