maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
