Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
