I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
MIDGETS
????
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Randomize
