I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I'm passing your future prison.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
