Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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