shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Everclear isn't food dammit
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
