So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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