Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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