remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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