tell your sister to shave her snatch
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
