hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
