I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize