Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Mom said you looked used
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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