i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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