Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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