With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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