I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
