she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
