Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
