I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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