I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
