guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
