Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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