mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
