Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
