Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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