woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
this is an emotional support booty call
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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