I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
