So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I just found a bag of teeth...
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
