I think im going to throw up on grandma
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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