I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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