i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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