I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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