Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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