i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
