His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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