it's too hot outside to masturbate.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
