We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
