he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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