I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
