apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
found the other keg... it's in the tree
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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