those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize