textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
