I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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