Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
