Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
