I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
