We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
nutella sex= disaster
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
