Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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