youre lurking in front of me
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
