Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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