i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
