turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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