Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
