What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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