margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize