as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Randomize
