apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
