WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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