I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
