apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
