I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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