The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
